3 years ago, I experienced a sudden vision change and then collapsed, I’d had a ‘subarachnoid haemorrhage’, basically a bleed to the brain. I spent several weeks in hospital while the wonderful NHS, who I believe saved my life, pieced me back together!
The area of my brain it affected was short term memory and my eyesight, my memory is still affected day to day, but my eyesight has returned to its 50-year-old state. Six MRI scans later I have balance issues still and work hard to walk short distances to practice at keeping upright and not looking like a daytime drunk.
The physical side of my injury continued to improve day by day, but I started to suffer with my mental health. Having to address my limitations and the new me and what started to become what I could only describe as loneliness. My wife worked full time, and my two kids were attending school and college respectively. They cared for me but life and busyness for them was dominating, I found my self with a lot of time to think about what had happened, what I couldn’t do anymore, what I wasn’t providing for the family, what I was or wasn’t doing in the home for the family, things that I used to do, it was a very uncomfortable time.
As a result, it was suggested by my GP that I started to see a counsellor. I took her advice, and met with Rachel for face-to-face sessions, where I was able to talk about everything I’d been through, everything I’d found difficult to deal with, difficult to do and difficult to say.
She suggested a book to read in conjunction with my appointments, ‘The Happiness Trap’ by Russ Harris. It claimed to help with how to stop struggling for perfect happiness and lead a richer life. Dr Russ Harris is a world-renowned trainer in ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy), a therapist and a coach with a background in medicine as a general practitioner. It was a very helpful book, with many different exercises to try out - how to ‘Drop Anchor’, how to ‘Unhook’, dealing with difficult thoughts, realising the value of kindness. Not every exercise works for everyone, and he mentions this in his text.
I tried out things that were mentioned in the book, how not to put pressure on myself, how to manage my difficult thoughts and thank my brain for warning me to manage my ‘Fight or Flight’ thoughts but not let them dominate my life going forward.
Together, Rachel and Russ Harris’s book helped a great deal. I was able to talk about my thoughts, my worries, to break down tasks to smaller manageable jobs, to not get hung up about not being able to do certain things and to be proud of the things I could do.
I focussed on the things I could do, such as taking guitar lessons from my tutor Jack, practicing and doing things I loved to do. There were still thoughts running around my head to manage and going back to a phased return at work at PI-KEM allowed me social interaction and a feeling of starting to achieve something.
I now have a new counsellor who said to me that she hates the word ‘better’. People would say to me “I’m glad you’re better now Richard!” I’m not better but improved. It will take a long time for me to be ‘better’ if I ever will be - the consultant said it could be six years to get back to what I ever was but I may never get to that.
Small improvements keep me going, some I notice, some I don’t, some that people notice and tell me, “you couldn’t have done that 6 months ago”
The thing that helped me the most, I feel, was talking to my counsellor, talking about my thoughts, and talking about my feelings. I still try out the exercises that I have learnt (and remembered), trying things out and not getting down if I can’t do them, thanking my brain for the warnings and not letting it stop me from trying things out.
PI-KEM: As part of Mental Health Awareness Week 12th -18th May 2025, we thank our colleague Richard Roskell for sharing his story. We believe in a workplace where open conversations about wellbeing are encouraged and where every member of our team feels valued, safe and supported.
Just as we are dedicated to providing excellent service and expertise in scientific solutions, we are equally committed to the health and happiness of our employees. We actively encourage a positive atmosphere through initiatives such as inspirational resources, wellbeing events, teambuilding, and even visits from our own ‘wellbeing’ dogs. We recognize that mental health is an integral part of overall wellbeing, and we are proud of Richard's courage in raising awareness and helping to create a more understanding and inclusive environment at PI-KEM.
Plus we’ve bought our own office copy of ‘The Happiness Trap’ for everyone to benefit from!
